Musings of a eccentrically loquacious mind

 

...since we're friends and all, but this might be fun:

     Today he missed the rising sun by three hours. He met his day in the shower, washing his hair with shampoo that was guaranteed to have never been put in a bunny's eyes and from which ten percent of the profits went to save the whales. He lathered his face with shaving cream free of chloroflourocarbons, thereby saving the ozone layer. He breakfasted on fertile eggs laid by sexually satisfied chickens that were allowed to range whole listening to Brahms, and muffins made with pesticide-free grain, so no eagle-egg shells were weakened by his thoughtless consumption. He scrambled the eggs in margarine free of tropical oils, thus preserving the rain forest, and he added milk from a carton made of recycled paper and shipped from a small family farm. By the time he finished his second cup of coffee, which would presumably help to educate the children of a poor peasant farmer named Juan Valdez, Sam was on the verge of congratulating himself for single-handedly saving the planet just by getting up in the morning. He would have been surprised, however, if someone had told him that it had been two years since he had set foot on unpaved ground.


The previous was from page 67 of Christopher Moore's book "Coyote Blue".
I just wonder how many people live their lives connecting to nature thru the filter of consumerism?

From stregapez 

Zombies: The total entropy of society and the individual. The individual losing himself to devouring mob mind. A fun concept to toy with the rebuilding of society.


Absinthe: green licorice tasting goodness. Undeserved rap of halleucinagenic urban legends. The drink me and stregapez met while drinking over.


Midgets: A nickname for my kids. A shirt Becka gave me because of that nickname. And one of the cashiers at the grocery store across the street.


Massage: A practice that I do more often than I can count. A practice that is occasionally misunderstood and sometimes not. Something I do to make people feel better.


Gemini: Something I don't specifically believe in but that never the less describes all too well and too often. This is for both good and bad reasons.



Reply to this meme with "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you.

Had kidney stones for a couple weeks. Despite the pain which was off and on I helped a friend who was getting kicked out of her apartment move out. Missed a couple days work due to the pain otherwise though and ended up having surgery. Surgery consisted of drugging me up (damn good drugs too) and sending tubes and the like up thru the narrowest hole in my body to blast the stones. Doing good now though I won't have the stint taken out till this coming Friday (stint = tube left in me for things to flow thru). I even got to do some low impact dancing the day after it happened at a wedding. Only thing now is the costs of it all worrying me. My co-pay prior to the surgery was approx $500 for emergency room visits, doctor appointments, and prescriptions. Nothing I can't handle but it means I have to put some things off that money was intended for. And I'm still done nor have the surgery bills themselves come in.
~shrugs~
Glad it happened now rather than a year ago.

Work alarm went off. Forgot what time it was. Have to do more updates later.

You Are a Snow Leopard

You have learned that you must rely on yourself, and yourself alone, to live a happy life. You are understand the world better than most people you know. You are very perceptive and intuitive. You need lots of space to think. If you don't get the space you need, you're likely to bite someone's head off. Because you are so thoughtful and solitary, people find you to be intense and mysterious. You're even seen as intimidating.

Very introspective lately and I suppose this big cat thingy is accurate of that. Honestly I'm more of a dog person but I like cats too. 

Why do so many lives these days seem to be ending right now? Jimmy Black died. Becka's father died. Both of us have had to deal with suicide threats at work. A friend of ours tried to kill himself (my myspace mood thing is in homage to him). I know of a good half dozen relationships that ended. All this and a lot more in the space of a couple of months. Seems at odds with what we think of with spring; a time of regeneration and growth and... well the joys of life.

I'm staying home tonight. Taking a break to  think of ways to renew not only my life but those around me, but mostly mine. I feel like the shoulders everyone is leaning on and while I don't hesitate on that for a moment I do need to catch my breath a bit if only for one night. I thought of just going out, maybe take a drive and visit some friends, have some drinks and some fun. But that's only a momentary boost and one I can have most anytime. Tonight I'm gonna pop in a video, light the scented candles, open the windows and sliding door, get the crackers and cheese with some wine, wrap up in a lite blanket,
and just relax...
Maybe get some meditation in.

Sounds good for tonight to just be the big lazy cat and that is just fine.

Twelve years ago I was in the hospital and I held my father's body as the life support was turned off and he died in my arms. He had been in a coma for three weeks and his brain activity had gradually dwindled to nothing after having a brain hemorrhage. He was given full honors by the police department with cops coming in from all over the country (Idaho I think was the farthest) to pay respects. The shooting range he constructed and ran was memorialized for him and politicians were there for either that or the funeral (Gingrich and Barr are the only ones I remember). He was known as a world class marksman who competed internationally and had won countless first place awards for such (I literally lost count).

No I am not sad or melancholy about this. It was twelve years ago after all and life has gone on. I loved my father but I wouldn't say we were exactly close so much as there was respect. I remember his good qualities and his bad and have grown over time to even miss the negatives as odd as that may sound.
If there was ever any real sadness it was that he never got to see my younger boy, Conner, who was born two days shy of the one year anniversary of his death. He was a sweet and wonderful grandfather to my oldest boy Nicholas who can still remember being one yrs old and swinging on the front porch swing with him.

I would also like to say that, slightly out of context, that my ex-wife Stef was absolutely wonderful and supportive during that time period which helped me to be so to my mother and siblings though that time. As ironic as it might sound I took inspiration from that memory when my fiance' Becka's father died a couple of months ago.

So that's the background on where I'm coming from today. Just a sorta nostalgia for a man flawed and wonderful all at the same time. He was a bit of an antithesis to what my beliefs are now; he was intolerant, and I embrace the diverse; he was conservative, I am liberal; he wasn't always around for his family, I am always there for my boys. But we share a lot of qualities as well; we are both sarcastic, we are both aggressively protective of those we care about, we both have trouble sharing how we feel (ironic at this might sound from me at times), and we both could care less about what others think of us.




My father when he was about my age now.


(Sister, Dad, and Mom)

Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Don't send a message, leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you.

Relationship Preferences

1- Would you rather have a fun fling or a lasting relationship?
Who says you can't have fun lasting relationship?

2- What was your longest relationship?
15ish years

3-What is your favorite personality trait?
Is intelligence a personality trait? How about thoughtfulness and open-mindedness for ideas and concepts... yeah that works. Oh and the ability to think for yourself and make it known. Sycophants or coddlers or drama queens need not apply.

4- What is the most romantic thing a significant other could do?
Don't know. That's like asking what's the best thing a person could paint. It's a creative process folks.

5- When you are dating someone, what is the most important thing to you?
Connection... or just see question three

6- Do you like pet names (ex: baby, sweetheart...)?
varies from person to person. They usually end up getting used in joking mocking sorta of ways.

7- What is your ideal night out with a significant other?
dancing and then alone for a walk outside

8- What is your ideal night in with a significant other?
takeout and movies on the couch and buggery of course! (keeping Reni's answer)

9- Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?
Nope. But I would distinguish from saying I love someone from I'm falling in love with someone.

10- Do you like relationships that involve serious commitments?
I'm serious about all of my relationships and I am committed. Now how that gets defined is a matter of the couple and I like how ours is done.

11- If you ever got engaged, how would you want it to happen?
SHE PUNCHED ME IN THE FRAKKING FACE!!!  I'd still do it again though.

12- If you were engaged, would you want a wedding as soon as possible?
Nope. I don't see a need to hurry on that and we have certain things we want out of the way first, though some of those obstacles have been shelved so we may get married earlier than I originally thought.

13- Do you like to talk about the future when in a serious relationship?
Some specifics, some abstracts.

14- Do you prefer a sensitive open relationship or a strong silent type?
Weirdly phrased question. Umm... I'll go with a strong open minded relationship that is sensitive to each other.

15- When in a relationship do you have to have contact with your partner on a daily basis?
No but I do notice if no contact is made.

16- Do you like public displays of affection?
If no one is around to offend I really have no limits on this

17- Is there anything you won't tolerate while in a relationship?
Lying, manipulation, egocentric behavior

18- What is one thing that you value most in a relationship?
honesty and communication

19- Would you ever be able to handle a long-distance situation?
I doubt it. Maybe if I was polyamorous and it wasn't my primary partner but that's operating in the abstract

20- Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage?
Mandatory. Sorry I really think that as many aspects of close intimate relationships should be explored and dealt with as possible before marriage.


And I don't know why but I get a kick out of reading Becka's list of our differences:

Oh, let’s see... : )

1) Personal information disclosure. Vince is an "open book".. actually, he’s more of a billboard with shiny, blinking lights around the edges, and I’m...not.

2) Vince can go from zero to FlirtMode in a heartbeat - I know... shocker... : ) - and I don’t flirt too much at all. (except with him).

3) The levels of blood and gore we enjoy in our entertainment.

4) I tend towards "subtle." Vince? He’s usually dialed "up to 11."

5) I am usually hyper-aware of others’ perceptions of me. Vince (and I actually admire this in him most of the time) does NOT give a rat’s ass about what other people think.

Aside from a few instances around disclosure - "You said WHAT??? About US??? To WHOM????" *me doing a facepalm* or randomly setting just-in-case "privacy boundaries" and hearing "Oh, good thing you said that, because I was about to..." - it usually works well for us. It’s usually more of a complement and less of a clash.

But yeah - he certainly keeps me on my toes... : )

5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen


( click to read more zombie hooey good stuff )



Science has proven it.

( Becka's last blog entry yesterday morning (click to read) )( Click to read Becka's last blog on it if you need to catch up )

Yesterday around 430 pm in fact. We got a call from her sister that we might want to get there so we showed up, were there all day. The family discussed the autopsy forms at one point and then within a half hour after that he died. Becka was holding his hand at the time along with her sister and mother.

All I'm going to say right now is that this family totally amazes me. The women in it are strong when the going is tough, focused on the priorities each has set, and insightful at all times. I can't say I knew her father well given his Alzheimer's but I did enjoy the time I spent with him and even in his state he was often joking as often as he was stubborn. I think he helped to make a family to be proud of and I'm honored to be a part of it.

 

Making it short and keeping the details sparse.

He went in the hospital for evals early last week. Aside from his alzheimers he was healthy, active, and obstinate. Within a few days he got sick with pneumonia and hasn't been cognizant (in his own manner) or conscious since then. Today Becka and her family had to make the decision to put in place a DNR (do not resucitate) order, no ventilator (which would not be of use anyway), and are are facing a less than 1/3rd chance that he will recover.

The hospital from what we can tell really frakked up his care and have all but silently admitted as such.
It was just over a week ago that his brother died of pneumonia as well.

A number of you bits and pieces of this either from me, Becka, or our explained absences at various functions. Right now my focus is entirely with her until this changes one way or the other. I doubt any of you will take it this negatively, but if I seem distracted or curt or even cold in some respects you'll know why. It's just the way I focus when I deal with things outside of my immediate family.

Please keep Becka and her family in your thoughts. Thank you.

Since many of you know her but aren't on her regular intrawebby pathways I figured I'd pass this on from her.







hiya.

For those of you who don’t know, my dad has Alzheimer’s, and has been in the full time care of my mom for the past three years. Two weeks ago, his GP made the announcement that for everyone’s safety, he needed a higher level of care, Now.

So...

Last week (Monday) we took him to a "way station" - a hospital with a locked Geriactric wing - so they could stabilize his meds, his aggressive behaviors, and get him to the point where he could go into an assisted living facility.

So...

He has - in the past week - decompensated radically. Mid week they put him in a padded reclining wheelchair because the meds where causing walking issues and they didn’t want him to fall, in "hospital briefs" (Depends) because he couldn’t generalize that a hospital toilet was the same as the toilet at home. The Haldol (to control his outbursts) created Parkinson’s Disease-like stiffness in his whole body. That has yet to resolve fully.


When I saw him on Sunday, he was coming off of 1,000 mg of Something, because they had to get a CAT scan of his brain and an EKG, and they wouldn’t have been able to get them otherwise. He was just wearing a t-shirt and the "hosptial briefs," because - I figure - since it takes 4 people to restrain him enough to get his clothes off and on, it’s safer for everyone. But he wasn’t wearing his glasses, so on top of not being able to really talk, he couldn’t really see, or even move due to the reaction to the Haldol. And he was just under a thin sheet, so he must have been cold. His hands were cold to me, and mine are usually cold, normally...

And today, he’s been transferred to their Cardio-Pulmonary Unit because they think he has pneumonia. He’s on oxygen (as a precaution, I’m pretty sure.) They told us he was transferred because he has a temp of 100 and a pulse of 100, but who knows where those things are coming from...

He doesn’t have the ability (cognitively) to Self-sooth or rationalize why he is where he is. He is in good health (relatively), but since he can’t speak for his own symptoms, who knows what is going on with him...

There is so much more... This whole thing is beyond painful. Beyond scary. It was it’s own sort of horrible before and for the past few years, and now his recent decompensation is really freaking me out, because he keeps sliding. One week, one freaking week into this process, and now he’s in the hospital, on oxygen.

And the whole process of trying to find a place, etc, is also awful, but that’s another story.

I can rationalize to myself that this "transition" into assisted care is the hardest part and that he will be okay, but all I can feel is pain and sadness. And fear.

Any vibes/prayers/good thoughts would be appreciated. Please send them his way if you can.

Thank you.




And then this as well.



I just got home from what was supposed to be a visit to another facility with mom and sis, but instead, when my sis arrived, my mom shut off the tv and said "Okay. The hospital called..."

Apparently it’s bronchitis, and "pretty serious." Pulse ox of 90. Getting all the oxygen they can give him. They wanted to know if they had to put him on a respirator, would we want that? As in, the whole "Do you wanna pull the plug if need be?" kind of question...

I’m really hoping the question was "hospital policy" directed as opposed to what kind of shape he is actually in. Mom and sis are waiting for a call back to ask and are going to the hospital today, but I had to leave because I worked last night and am still awake.

Then, his other doc called, and my he and my sis talked about his reaction to the Haldol, and any residual swallowing problems. (Sis is a Speech Pathologist.) Then, it came down to if he doesn’t re-learn to swallow in a certain amount of time, he’d have to get a trach tube to be fed.

WHAT. The. FUCK???

Last week, he walked in to the hospital after eating a normal breakfast. Now... This? Final acts and trach tubes?

I’m really hoping this is more of a vent, and not... what it feels like right now. Things are just happening so freakin’ fast...

So thank you again for the thoughts. He really needs them right now.

Trying to keep this short and sweet.

The last couple of months have been gradually more difficult around the ole Vince/Becka homestead. No nothing wrong with us per se; things are going great in that regard. No the problems are more in line with Becka's family.

A bit back her uncle had a hunting accident when he fell out of a tree stand. Long story short at his age his body lost the ability to heal itself. His immune system started attacking the body. They put him into a hospice and he passed away last Saturday. We are attending the funeral in York tomorrow.

Also her father has alzheimers. The decision was made to put him in a home because he was getting increasingly harder and harder to handle. Last week his doctor pretty much demanded it and this past monday the family took for his first day at his new home. Basically he is now institutionalized. I'm worried about Becka's mother who is an amazingly strong woman but who has acclimated to taking care of her husband and is now in their home of over four decades alone for the first time.

Becka is doing well and is holding up quite well. She's a very self contained person from being a psych counselor but it's still a lot on her. Not to mention other stuff going on in our lives like me working insane overtime and extra hours recently, her work and it's erratic weirdness, and school starting up again. I'm sure I'm forgetting other stressors in there.

On the plus side the boys and Stef and Becka all get along great and Becka's heart melts whenever the boys tell her they love her or do stuff for her.
If you can just keep her and her family in your thoughts I'd appreciate it.

The only man known to have pitched a no-hitter in a major league baseball game while tripping on LSD died Friday.

"It is fitting that the great Dock Ellis died on a Friday, which is the worst day to die. Nobody pays attention to news on Saturdays.

It makes sense, though: No one was ever quite had a monumental achievement in sports ignored so thoroughly as Dock Ellis. You really can’t overstate what he did. You can have your 762 home runs, or your 38,387 points, or your 50 touchdowns in a season. This man threw a no-hitter under the influence of LSD. I mean, can you imagine? Forget this being one of baseball’s greatest feats. I think it’s one of Earth’s.

My favorite part of the story is how why this happened in the first place. Ellis didn’t realize he was pitching that day, so he figured, you know, let’s do some acid.

"I was in Los Angeles, and the team was playing in San Diego , but I didn’t know it. I had taken LSD..... I thought it was an off-day, that’s how come I had it in me. I took the LSD at noon. At 1pm, his girlfriend and trip partner looked at the paper and said, "Dock, you’re pitching today!"

"That’s when it was $9.50 to fly to San Diego. She got me to the airport at 3:30. I got there at 4:30, and the game started at 6:05pm. It was a twi-night doubleheader.

The box score tells the story. Ellis walked eight guys in a not particularly powerful Padres lineup. The Pirates scored their only two runs on a Willie Stargell home run in the second inning, which must have been awesome to watch while tripping. And Ellis talked about diving out of the way of a line drive that wasn’t even hit near him.

I have never taken acid, though I had a couple bizarre mushroom experiences in college. Mostly, I just giggled and became convinced the four of us in the room were the only four motherfuckers on the planet who UNDERSTOOD. I tried to write on mushrooms once, convinced I could bring back the mad wisdom psilocybin induces, only to turn on my computer the next morning to realize I’d written about 4,800 words on the healing properties of wheat toast. I cannot fathom going out in public, let alone pitching a major league baseball game. And he threw a no-hitter!

The world is a crazed, nonsensical place, mostly random, confused, chaotic, numbing. We search for reason wherever we can find it. And then, out of the nether, someone throws a no-hitter on LSD, and we realize that there is so much we do not understand, so much that will always elude, so much with a strange beauty that’s impossible to comprehend. Dock Ellis’ achievement has been lost to the years — it’s not exactly the type of thing ESPN can do a "SportsCentury" about — but it’s staggering and awesome, and we mustn’t ever forget it. R.I.P. Dock Ellis. We know a little bit more about our world because of you, and a lot less. Thank you."

Draw a pig and see what it says about you.


I've "folded" the rest of my entry so you can take the test without my result influencing you.















( Read more... )

I think the closer to 50% you are the more normalized you are while high percentages show a strong tendency and low numbers are a lesser tendency.








Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

I skaved this one from doctor_drone.
The irony should be apparent given what he got and what I got.
LOL

Your result for The Camelot Test...

King Arthur

 

Take The Camelot Test at HelloQuizzy

I was planning on switching shifts and going from 3rd to 1st. Outside of the obvious this gives me my weekends free which is a nice boon when I have my boys that I don’t have now. Right now I work weekends even when I have them, come home and sleep, and then spend time with the boys. Either Becka or friends have to be around when sleeping is going on (the boys or me). This sucks because I have to depend on others for my boys and I sleep at least some when they are around and awake. Going to 1st gives me the weekends back and I can devote all the time to them.

Well the guy on 1st who wants to switch with me (so he can be home with his kids during the day when his wife works so they can avoid daycare) is now being told that a guy on 2nd shift wants his shift and he has seniority over me. The guy on 1st is going to need to switch soon and the guy on 2nd is doing it just for his own preference (no kids or anything) but has the seniority to throw a wrench in stuff. If I switch to 2nd then I lose my wednesday nights with the boys which would mean there will be times when we won’t see each other for a couple of weeks at a stretch and I won’t be able to go to other functions and such for them. I would get the weekends though with a 2nd shift switch.

3rd shift: some time with the boys on my weekends but must arrange others to be around as well. Also I have weeknights before work to do things with/for them.

1st shift: I have weekends and nights but is having a wrench thrown in the works.

2nd shift: weekends with the boys without relying on others but I lose all other time and ability to be there.

Side issues that I’m trying not to let intrude on my decision but still float in my brain are: time spent with Becka (works 3rd, January will have off every other weekend) and 3rd shift has the only person in the world I’ve ever worked with that I actively want to strangle (some of you have heard me vent about him before in other venues).